Like most, I spent last December engrossed in all things Christmas, while setting new shiny goals for 2020. I had high hopes for this year – big lofty goals that I honestly had no idea how I was going to make happen – just the unequivocal knowledge that I would.
In the last hours of 2019, as Vic and I laughed our way through Snapchat filtered selfies, munching on pizza and prepping for a dinner the next day, we talked for hours about the dreams we’ve been carrying and creating for the last few years. Dreams that we were both finally ready to bring to fruition.
What was supposed to be a year filled with convocations, a cross country move, shiny new careers and multiple trips – quickly turned into a year filled with surprise after surprise, leaving me completely dumbstruck as to what to do and where to go from here.
Little did we know . . .
Little did we know that 2020 would be the year that changed it all.
Priorities.
Friendships.
Health.
Convictions.
Dreams.
Me.
It has taken a lot for me to wrap my mind around the drastic turn this year has taken. How all of the dreams we’ve had over the last few years have suddenly had to change. But as the old John Lennon saying goes, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
For several reasons, none of those initial goals and dreams are set to come to fruition in 2020 and I’m finally beginning to accept that. The last little while however, has been a jumble of emotions over here. Working so incredibly hard and for so long towards something, only to have it fall apart just as you approach the finish line – well, it sucks.
Through it all though, I’ve chosen gratitude.
Gratitude for having a safe place to call home in a time of great uncertainty.
Gratitude for my husband and the life we have created – it’s pretty stinkin’ amazing.
Gratitude for this day and having another chance to make a difference.
Gratitude for our chosen team of doctors – they really are quite literally priceless.
Gratitude and perspective.
They’re everything.
Although at times it has felt like this year has stolen so much, I’ve decided to focus on the idea of it all coming together as a redirection instead of missed opportunity. Steering us towards whatever it is we are meant to be doing next, instead of what we thought that next step was.
Tomorrow, Vic and I will continue our traditions. Eat delicious food, dream new dreams, and continue making the most important memories – together. We’ll talk for hours about how we think this next year will unfold, getting some of it right and most likely, getting some of it wrong. We’ll prep for our annual New Years Day dinner and for a few hours, forget the endless run of medical scans and appointments awaiting us next week.
CoVid 19 may have been one of the worst things to come out of 2020, but it’s ripple effect has been one of the best. It has given us time to pause; to breathe; and to prioritize exactly what’s important to us – without the noise of the daily grind interfering – and it has been life changing.
So here’s to 2021.
May whatever it is she has in store for us, teach us humility, kindness, and gratitude.
Happy New Year, Friends.
xo
Tonya Mariea 