Have you ever wanted to say something, but kept it in because you just didn’t want to deal with someone’s reaction?
Of course you have.
I’m sure most of us wish we could be Sheldon Cooper for a day (or twenty) – me, if I were able to have one super power, the ability to say what I like, when I like, would probably rank first – maybe – next to making food calorie free 😉
The past 3 weeks, I’ve remained pretty quiet on the blog front. It wasn’t for lack of something to say. Quite the contrary. I had two mini series ready to hit the blog – one for National Infertility Week and another for Mental Health Awareness Week.
But just the thought of possible reactions kept me quiet.
Being open and raw with the world is terrifying. I love blogging because it gives me the ability to share things; an outlet of sorts. But even I’m guarded – to a certain degree. When it comes to our own little baby journey and my on-going roller-coaster ride with depression, however; I’m not so eager to share the good, bad, and the ugly. Because there’s nothing more personal than health issues. Especially when they’re ongoing. Especially when it’s surrounded by ignorance.
Three and a half years ago I shared a little of my journey with thyroid cancer, but even then, it wasn’t the whole story. It didn’t include my most personal thoughts and feelings – just the bigger fears. It didn’t include weighing treatment pros and cons, making decisions that were best for yourself, while no one else understood.
And it isn’t because I’m fearful of sharing my story; I’ve done so many times. It’s not even fear at all really. It’s just dealing with the onslaught of ignorance. And I know that with the bad, also comes the good. I’ve had people contact me talking of their own personal journeys and I love that. I love knowing that because I shared a little of my own story, it gave someone else the courage to share some of their own.
Regardless of what we’re going through, having the ability to share the ups and downs makes the battle a little bit easier. It can sometimes make the world of difference.
I know; I’ve been there.
I’m not even sure what made me clam up these past few weeks. If I were to hazard a guess, it was because I’m still a little uncertain. Vulnerable maybe? I don’t know if I could explain it in just a word or two.
Either way, I’ve worked through it.
Ignorance be damned. I’d rather be the hand that helps one person stand back up; the one person who says “Hey, you’re not alone in this!” – than the girl who’s afraid of one person’s ignorance.
Because I’ve come to realize, that being a life-float for someone, is worth all the damn ignorance and potential ridicule in the world.
So censorship be damned.
I won’t apologize for the content that I’m going to share in the coming days. It isn’t crude or vulgar and therefore I don’t feel the need for justification.
I will, however; apologize for not doing it sooner.