Today started as one of those days that just felt off. Something wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t something I could put my finger, just that nagging little feeling. It began with another round of physician appointments – seems like they’ve taken over my life throughout the last few months – nothing out of the ordinary. Followed by a few errands, half of which were simply tasks to keep my mind away from the dreaded afternoon appointment looming.
Today was the first of three appointments that would hopefully bring me the words I live to hear “You’re all clear. There was no cancer found.” I pray that I hear them for the rest of my days, but if I’m honest, I’m nauseous with each new year. Each new year brings with it annual screenings, blood work and a multitude of specialist appointments to discuss levels, test results, future plans etc.
When I walked into my appointment my usual technician was out sick. My heart sank a little. I’ve been lucky enough to have my tech for the last 4 years. He makes me feel at ease; I was far from at ease today. The woman was distant, rough and caused tears to pool. She wrecked havoc with my blood pressure, my stomach and my nerves.
At the end of an excruciating 30 minutes I was told all was well and I was okay to go. Funny enough, I’m not nearly as calm as I usually am with my normal tech. He exudes confidence in his work which transfers to his patients. That was missing today, leaving me feeling ill at ease to say the least. A feeling I’ll have to live with for another week. A week filled with scary visions and memories filtering through my mind. A week that will allow my imagination to run wild.
So I ask that you be patient with me. I promise you, I’m still working away on sessions and to clue up things to launch the 2016 season. I trust that you can understand my delay and empathize. Please send up any extra positive vibes you can manage because this uneasy feeling is still with me and until I hear those glorious words, I’m sure to be a big ol mess.