Phew! I’ve been back from vacation a mere 12 days and good grief it feels like I’ve packed 12 months worth of things into that time. I walked into my work and felt like I had walked into the twilight zone. The zone where everyone is on vacation at the same time, some others quit and some have cry fests from the pressure laid on the last thread of sanity they have left. In a moment of pure panic and let’s face it, that’s exactly what happened last week – several moments of pure panic – I craved an out. I had just waited an excruciating 18 months for 1 week of vacation time to de-stress and I was pushed back into a wildfire. Who wouldn’t want to run for the nearest exit?!
In those moments of panic, I received offers, opportunities and tips on possible opportunities out the wazoo. I have the most incredible friends, family and network of people around me. Honest, you guys rock. I almost took one. On the day I was to take the opportunity I not only snapped, but I crackled and popped too! Poor Vic thought I lost my ever loving mind. He just kind of stared at me wide eyed as I continued to scream, cry and sob my way through the rant. He calmly let me do my thing and just sat quietly off to the side of the couch. Sometimes looking at me unsure if I was finished, wondering if he should even bother saying anything. Once I calmed down, he decided to play it safe and leave me with my thoughts. I absorbed what had happened. Why it had happened.
I was just so tired.
I had a very short pity party. Guest list of one. Lasted only about 10 minutes when I sat in exasperation wondering how in the world things had gotten to this point. But then I sent a text message to Cindy. What I would do without that woman, honestly I hope I never have to find out. As always I talked my way through the previous couple of days, I started to feel a calm wash over me. I felt as though I knew in my heart of hearts what I wanted. It was the panic and stress that made me doubt it. After having my decisions reaffirmed by my best friend, I quietly tiptoed into the bedroom as Vic decided it was nap time (more like second guessing the upcoming marriage to this crazy woman – just kidding!), and asked he was awake.
“Yes” he muttered as he kept his eyes closed
Like a misbehaved child I looked at the bed, afraid to meet his eyes, I almost whispered “I don’t want to take that job.”
“Okay” was his entire response as he looked at me tentatively.
I’m still not sure if he was really okay with it or he was just avoiding another water works show. Either way I quietly left the room, smiling as the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders. I knew he would support me regardless, but I also knew that the amount of money I was about to turn down would be complete financial freedom for us. But you see, he doesn’t believe we can put a price tag on my dream. A dream I would have to give up if I were to take the offer. For him it was a no brainer, but for my very practical, worrywart personality, it was so incredibly stressful.
But turn it down I did.
To live my dream. Or as I was ever so lovingly told today – so I could start hustling!
But I don’t mind hustling for my passion, my dream, my happiness. Because tomorrow I get to capture the pure beauty of a precious new baby. That baby smell – I mean who can resist that new baby smell! – the little fingers and toes, the little bubbles! Just thinking about it is making me all kinds of excited. (No Gina, not THAT excited!)
Here’s to new beginnings and big dreams!
Remember Nicole & Ronnie from May?! Stay tuned for a peek of the precious little miracle that was her baby bump!