You would be so excited as you helped your son prepare for post secondary. You would be obsessed with your beautiful granddaughter while looking at your little girl in wonderment as she held her own miracle in her arms. You would be loving your great nieces and nephews just as you loved us. You would be helping me plan my wedding. You would be loving this summer; it’s so beautiful, but not too hot. You would be sipping a Dr. Pepper and loving the hell out of life.
Instead we sit remembering the day we lost you.
Aunt Jack, I have to say, I’m getting mighty tired of missing you. I wish more than anything that you could be here, enjoying the many things that have happened in the last 15 years. Oh how I wish your children were as lucky as I was. To have experienced your fun-loving, accepting and just plain Jackie personality. To have gotten to know the woman you were. To have had your love and guidance as they grew into young adults trying desperately to find their way in this crazy thing we call life.
I wish I could forget the significance in the date that is today. As I recall yet another year we’ve been without you. I wish I could instead just celebrate who you were. How you were. There is no happiness in remembering the day you left us and you weren’t one to focus on the unhappy.
So today I wish to remember the many conversations we shared. The trips to Tim Hortons; lunches of meat balls and gravy (with ketchup – ewww!); Jersey Milk hot chocolate with a side of ketchup chips; the many shared sleepovers at our house and yours; the way you treated us as people and not just annoying children; the dance parties held in your living room; the games of rummoli around your kitchen table; the days you taught me to apply mascara and the days you trusted me to watch the two most important things in your life.
Today, as I have sooo many times before, I sit and wonder what you would think of it all. Today I remember how much I loved you. Today I remember how damn much I miss you. Every. Single. Day.
As much as I wish for just one more conversation, I wish more that you have eternal peace angel. For every day that we are blessed to have, know that we think of you. That we are thankful for the days we’re given, as they truly are a gift.
*I apologize for the crappy quality; circa late 1980’s via 110 film camera*