Shit hit the proverbial fan yesterday. Fight or flight mode and my claws came out. I witnessed one of the sweetest girls I know (honestly), brought to tears. Like break your heart tears. First I went through that sympathetic/empathetic cycle, simply trying to make her see her worth in all this. How utterly ridiculous the entire situation was. But I silently seen red. Like bull flag red, where I’m the bull rearing it’s ugly little head. Honestly, having this sweet, softhearted girl look so broken and utterly lost? No. Just no. It was so damn wrong. I may not have children yet, but by god if I don’t have thee strongest protective instincts.
Once I calmed down – slightly – I decided things have reached the climax and it was time for a much needed change. But what kind of change? I was momentarily stunned and a little terrified. With so much going on, what WAS the right move? While I endured my minor anxiety attack – that moment where your mind simply swims, nothing seems clear and your chest feels like a baby elephant is tap dancing on it – my sister in law sent me a text reminding me of something I was supposed to do. Which funny enough I was doing as the message came through. So I vented with a short and sweet (I always found that saying a little ironic) version of my current state of mind. Her response stopped me dead in my tracks. The panic evaporated, everything seemed very much clear and by god I hit the ground running. Her magic words?
” . . . you always land on your feet . . .”
Why yes, yes I do, don’t I?!?
Why the hell was I so worried? I could do this. I wasn’t the teenager who was looking for a little direction in my life. I’m not sure if I was ever really that girl. I was a woman who has a very strong business background, who has management experience that hold successful results and a reputation that was known by quite a network of people. I have a passion for photography, all necessary equipment and an unquenchable thirst of knowledge. Gee what should my next move be?
Living my dream maybe? So yesterday afternoon I shifted all of my emotions to determination. I secured a wedding date, our venue, decorations, cake and music. Pressures off there! Booked several new sessions stretching to the end of the year and picked back up my very neglected business plan.
Very soon I’ll be solely a full time photographer and student. No other commitments! So I should really thank the powers that be for the last 48 hours. Because of you I decided to put MY dreams first. I’ve decided to take the discipline and determination I’ve been told multiple times I possess and turn it into a successful career that I have dreamed of since childhood.
Stay tuned for some incredible things. I can’t wait to share my journey with you, starting with the upcoming sweet family sessions planned for the coming few weeks and of course wedding plans as I go now to choose our save the date cards!!
Inspirational hint: Kate Spade . . .
*The beauty that saved me from panic and tears yesterday*