Have you ever wanted something so much you can’t go a day without thinking about it? Maybe you even think about it several times a day. Every day.
I still do. I am constantly thinking of my photography and my fitness level. I’ve allowed both to be sidelined. For a while it may have been out of my control, but I decided it was time to take it back. I’m a control freak. Like massive control freak. It drives Vic absolutely crazy or it did for a few years. Now I think he realizes just how much I need it.
He didn’t agree with how I handled getting back into my daily workouts, but hey. A frustrated control freak is a dangerous thing!
My doctors told me I would have to ease back into things. Start off with 10 minutes of not too strenuous activity and work from there. Um, no. I’m 29; not 69. I have been DESPERATE to get this part of my life back. And just like before I jumped in. Head first. Grabbed my old workouts and started daily. It was a huge adjustment. It still is, but I had to force their hand. I felt like a push over for way too long. And although sometimes I feel weak in the knees after a workout, starving beyond belief and a little lightheaded – I don’t regret it for a second. They’ve upped their monitoring while I go and do my thing. I haven’t told them yet I’ve decided to run The Tely yet. Maybe my next visit – I do like seeing their exasperation!
As for my photography; I’ve taken that back too. I know it’s an art I’ll always be learning. I’ll need to continuously grow and develop, but I’m reaching a point where I feel comfortable enough to push this baby. I have recently submitted my work to get critiqued. Talk about nerve wracking! But when I read the feedback – well I was like a 4 year old on Christmas morning. It’s helping with the insecurities immensely!
I know I’m not alone when I say I’m insecure when it comes to my art. I’ve never let fear hold me back from anything, except the one thing I’ve always dreamed of. Life’s funny that way I guess. I’ve come to realize that the fear stems from the fact that I’ve always known I wanted to be a photographer. I’ve never dreamed of being anything else. So if I’m to fail at this; what then? Am I going to be living a life where I’m constantly settling? Am I ever going to find something else that makes me fall in love every time I get the chance to do it?
These are all thoughts and questions that have entered my mind; countless times. But I decided it was a bigger failure to not even try. Because I KNOW I have the ability, drive and determination to make this dream my reality.
So if there’s a dream you’ve been dreaming; something you’re absolutely passionate about; something that gets you fired up like no other; something that gives you butterflies and an indescribable high – DO IT! Take baby steps if need be. Dabble in it. Get your feet wet. Start learning and never stop. Because once you start letting go of the fear; once you start putting yourself out there – you’ll realize that you could never regret your dream. There’s no expiration date, so don’t think you have to become an overnight success. Just make sure you start.
“I may not be where I want to be, but I sure am happy I’m not where I used to be.”