To my clients, my friends, my family and my endearing fiance – Thank You.
Thank you for allowing me to learn, grow and be creative over the last several months. You are all part of a dream I have longed for since childhood. A dream where I am able to pursue my passion. A dream in which I can be my own boss; one that allows me to be as creative as I possibly can be; to have the flexibility that life so often demands and one that allows me to preserve moments in time.
A lot of people see photography as a simple art where we simple click the shutter release (yes, that’s what that tiny little button is really called), upload to our computer, wave a magic Photoshop wand (because we all want the flawless skin and airbrushed cheeks!) and presto – ready for delivery.
Sadly this is not how it works. If it was, you wouldn’t be paying myself and others to make the magic happen. I dearly love photography. Have since I was a small child. But it is a grueling process. The session in which you take part in is simply the cherry on top of the experience. It is a time we spend laughing, playing, ooohing and ahhing, getting to know one another, patiently work together to get exactly what you’re looking for and sometimes becoming fast friends.
The real work happens once the session ends. Editing cannot or rather should not be rushed. If you demand a short time frame, your product is a result of that time frame. Editing is a time consuming process where we look through each photo and try to make it perfect. Perfect. What a concept. Know something; photographers are not perfect. We are our own worst critic. We look at a photo we love and after a fleeting moment we see something we would’ve done differently. Something our clients wouldn’t see like we do. It’s like an artist looking at their brush strokes or an author rereading their book, time and time again before publication.
It’s nerve wrecking. Putting something you are so proud of out there for others to see. To constantly strive for approval and acceptance. It’s emotionally draining. People are demanding and impatient by nature. We live in a world of instant gratification. A world that provides just that along with many other options should one not live up to our standards.
A world that’s exhausting to those of us fighting to a tiny little place within it.
I am not just a photographer.
I am a fiance, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece and friend. I have a demanding family who cares when they do not get a chance for conversation. Who cares when they haven’t seen me in the 3 months that have past since I got engaged. Who care when I have to turn down an invitation to an important event in their lives. Who have to ask my family members how I’m doing because I have been so absent in their lives.
I care that I am missing out on their lives. That I have spent the last 12 months putting so many things before the people who I cherish more then absolutely every materialistic thing in my life. It scares me when I look at a family member who suddenly seems to have aged. Looking frail or simply older.
If 2013 proved anything, it was that life was fragile. It’s limited; precious; something to be enjoyed to the best of our ability.
Over the last 12 months I have lost sight of that. The fear of my life ending before I was ready shook me more then I could ever possibly put into words. So much so, I let the fear push me to do everything I wanted at once. And instead of allowing myself to enjoy all of the things on my mile long bucket list, I was robbing myself of the joy and sense of accomplishment. I have accomplished SO much in the last year and have never been more unhappy.
With a new year nearly upon us, I believe there’s no better time for a change. It is a time of year that I always use to clearly define goals for the coming year. A way for me to ensure I get to experience several of the things I long to.
This year will be much of the same.
I will be making my list as always, but the items on there will be slightly different this year.
For starters, I will be taking a break.
Something my doctors have been urging and pleading me to do for many months. Something my poor fiance has been begging me to do for the past year. The fast that he has put up with me the last year simply proves it’s mad love. I have been terrible. Absolutely terrible.
You see, I am a full time student x2 (Yes I’m doing 2 full time programs!), a photographer, a friend and family member, a (now) part time employee (was full time until my doctor put his foot down) and a woman who never took the time to deal with the experiences of last year.
I am burnt out.
I have been in demand like something awful for so long, that my poor mind and body just cannot keep up. I receive so many requests for help; from clients, friends and family – I want to help everyone. I’m terrible for my inability to say no, that I end up extending myself much too far. With the exception of a stolen day here and there, I have not had a break in 12 months from my insane schedule. I have continued to push myself thinking I was a rare version of superwoman. Sadly I am not. I am just a woman who let fear take the lead. A woman who is so desperately seeking a break.
Over the course of the next 3 months I will be continuing with my education (both!) and will be (hopefully) marking my first full year cancer free with several appointments and tests. I will be taking this time to decompress, regroup and relax.
I will NOT be taking any appointments between now and the end of March.
I will, however, be making regular blog posts as I rebrand, continue to learn and prepare for the upcoming Spring season.
I do hope you all continue to follow along. Please rest assure I am not abandoning you or my business. I am simply putting my health first so that I am able to service you the way you deserve to be serviced.